GRAVESTONE

My gravestone...it's morbid but fun. Have you thought of what your gravestone will bear?

EDNA SHIRTS i heart wearable art

Emotional wounds are the worst. There are no creams, ointments to relieve us of the pain brought on by torn flesh soul wound. Time is all we have and even time cannot erase the scar of the unsightly memories and traumas.  The bad thing about time is that it doesn't really make us forget, it just makes us used to it, like other people say.


And while time tries to help us go through pain, its not enough.  We need a NOW-pain reliever, that's when our inner demons come to play.

We submit to the demons of insecurity, self pity, self disrespect and self unworth. We submit to a lot of SELF-centered ways that repel people we love, and give confirmation to those we hate.

Being a survivor of such emotional battle leaves traces. It makes me see the world differently. That the world is scary and bad things can happen just like that. I try to relieve myself of all kinds of attachment because the only loss i can afford to experience is the loss of myself. Hard cannot be in my vocabulary. Intense emotion has no room but in movies and youtube and sendong. 


I can't do hard. period.

But i am, we are still survivors by the very definition-- coping successfully instead of physically dying or going clinically insane. There is still hope and hope works well with time. 


In the meantime, we need to tolerate pain and face the monster that is never under the bed, but inside us.

Be stronger than your monster. 

edna and thestrals

Harry Potter: "What are they?"

Luna Lovegood: "They're called Thestrals. They're quite gentle, really... But people avoid them because they're a bit..."

Harry Potter: "Different. But why can't the others see them?"

Luna Lovegood: "They can only be seen by people who've seen death." 

Edna: "Yeah, that sucks..." 

7AM...along time ago... oil on canvas (small)

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” ---NEIL GAIMAN

EDNA'S traffic brain 22x18 inches

Edna can't stop thinking of the past and the future. She is just floating in the now. She can't stop thinking, the brain is like a bad intersection during rush hour, she just wants to barf it out. where's zoloft and rivotril, depakote...i just want to sleep this lifetime off.

REQUIEM FETAL oil on canvas 20x24 inches

naked and curled up, trying to contain self within cramped arm space.  The world becomes too big and controlling. Self is hoping to go back when the life was easy, tube connected to mother.

THE LOST HALO, oil on canvas 22x18 inches

REALITY/ART/REALITY: turning mental trauma into an oil on canvas piece into a painful mnemonic

BETSY acrylic on canvas 16x14 inches

for a friend who loves horses :)

because there is a certain satisfaction in making someone happy...satisfying oneself is selfish move as well...should all good deeds be self sacrificing?

RELIS oil on canvas 24x18inches

bottled up anger has no room. rage spread thin is cancer. Everyone needs a moment to let go, decibels up and tonsils flared up. bottled up means shrapnel to the innocent when it explodes. Shouting is like a carbonated drink, releasing pressure, relis the wrong with a tone.

BOPIS oil on canvas 26 x 22 inches

The world would be a bearable place live in if we all stop feeling. I say rip out the heart and be indifferent. No highs and lows just pink-flushed robots in motion. There will be no pain...do we really need smiles?

EDNA's FIRST SNOW acrylic on canvas 18x18 inches

EDNA's taste of first snow was in Bitburg, De.Cold and white like death. All so grown up in her winter clothes of red, hiding the blood from her painful bout with snowflakes. She loved the white death and the red pain.

EDNA UNDERWATER acrylic on canvas 18x24 inches

She took norvasc and went underwater. It was a scary scary infinite cold blue world, until the jacks barreled her, a stealthy barracuda blocked her way and nudibranch cling on her fingers. Anemone rocks, icky to touch. For a purpose-free life Edna has, this is as good as it gets; as long as she stops being afraid of breathing.