le ferite che non si rimargineranno mai

to the wounds that will never heal

IRENE acrylic on canvas 12 x 18 inches

Edna is searching for the switch to the past so she can turn it off, hoping her smile can go further to joy.  Hurdles can hurt but like all wounds, they should heal...no to gangrene

EDNA WILL BUY A ZOO

Someday I will buy my own kind of zoo, I will fill it with heartbeats and laughter. my nephew and nieces will play in it; my sister will help me build it. And you will live with us, in this zoo; deep in our hearts. Someday, my world which you made small will be a big zoo again because you will let me. love you mommy. i miss you.

In honor of those who were left behind...

I'm sorry you're sick. I'm sorry you're dying. I'm sorry you're dead. Did you ever feel sorry for me? For the one you left behind? Offguarded and unprepared, how on earth do you want me to do this? To go through life without you. I know, its been nearly two years, I should let go. But how can I when I can still remember and still cry and I'm still afraid of what happened and what can happen. I depend on you; you are my rock, the anchor to a drifter like me. You are the only one who loved me unconditionally and i want to be loved like that. I always know that when I tumble down from one mistake to another, you'll be there to be my staff. I have no one now. No one to hold on to but me. So yes, I am a hero. I should be honored because you, of all people, left me behind.

GRAVESTONE

My gravestone...it's morbid but fun. Have you thought of what your gravestone will bear?

EDNA SHIRTS i heart wearable art

Emotional wounds are the worst. There are no creams, ointments to relieve us of the pain brought on by torn flesh soul wound. Time is all we have and even time cannot erase the scar of the unsightly memories and traumas.  The bad thing about time is that it doesn't really make us forget, it just makes us used to it, like other people say.


And while time tries to help us go through pain, its not enough.  We need a NOW-pain reliever, that's when our inner demons come to play.

We submit to the demons of insecurity, self pity, self disrespect and self unworth. We submit to a lot of SELF-centered ways that repel people we love, and give confirmation to those we hate.

Being a survivor of such emotional battle leaves traces. It makes me see the world differently. That the world is scary and bad things can happen just like that. I try to relieve myself of all kinds of attachment because the only loss i can afford to experience is the loss of myself. Hard cannot be in my vocabulary. Intense emotion has no room but in movies and youtube and sendong. 


I can't do hard. period.

But i am, we are still survivors by the very definition-- coping successfully instead of physically dying or going clinically insane. There is still hope and hope works well with time. 


In the meantime, we need to tolerate pain and face the monster that is never under the bed, but inside us.

Be stronger than your monster. 

edna and thestrals

Harry Potter: "What are they?"

Luna Lovegood: "They're called Thestrals. They're quite gentle, really... But people avoid them because they're a bit..."

Harry Potter: "Different. But why can't the others see them?"

Luna Lovegood: "They can only be seen by people who've seen death." 

Edna: "Yeah, that sucks..." 

7AM...along time ago... oil on canvas (small)

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” ---NEIL GAIMAN

EDNA'S traffic brain 22x18 inches

Edna can't stop thinking of the past and the future. She is just floating in the now. She can't stop thinking, the brain is like a bad intersection during rush hour, she just wants to barf it out. where's zoloft and rivotril, depakote...i just want to sleep this lifetime off.

REQUIEM FETAL oil on canvas 20x24 inches

naked and curled up, trying to contain self within cramped arm space.  The world becomes too big and controlling. Self is hoping to go back when the life was easy, tube connected to mother.